Decision day?

This post may sound emo and all but I dont care..I DONT GIVE A DAMN..I should write in my diary or so..but no point since I turned on the com and jus feel like typing...Crap..thanks to eg posting of positions??

I realised that when I am on the limit of my tolerance(towards others) or on the verge of a breakdown ..I shut up totally..refuse to talk..get extremely negative and coping it all inside me..And if mentally exhausted and frustrated..I will tend to "torture" myself(in terms of doing things to extreme until I jus collapse)..I was being damn pessimistic thinking who gives a damn about me?WHo cares about me?Even I dont..I am not important..not important at all..I think it will pass very fast..but nothing matters..

What exactly is responsibility?Its not something that you can give a name to..its not something you can push to anyone whenever and whatever you feel like..There is no such thing as right or wrong..It all depends on what how you see it.I really feel like screaming out of frustration..I dont GET PPL..WHY DO THEY VIEW POSITIONS AS ADDED RESPONSIBILITY?Must everything be given a name to it before you even care?No matter what you get,if you still care..even if u get nothing..wont you still give the same responsibility?I dont understand..I am confused..but I guess..its jus me..

When I joined eg it was initially because of gaming..and the jacket..But after realising its "true motive" i still stayed because I am not just gonna back out and look on the bright side it helps in me reaching for my career..But as time pass by..I start to like the place and contributing to EG jus because I feels a sense of attachment..And when somehow there were worries about it closing down..I made up my mind not to leave it closed..because i like the place..I tried so hard..and somehow..I cant believe that ppl only with status in name will contribute hard..maybe..maybe...of my selfishness because its like expecting everyone to contribute as much as I do...mmmm maybe I should change my mindset..

Tell the truth I dont mind the positions assigned and all..but addy I admit I was a bit hesitant of you becoming BUM because you seemed not confident..And I was worried that you will shoulder all the responsibilities jus because of being BUM..Theres a lot to learn I guess and I was wondering if you can cope..Nope its not that I see no potential in you..NO WAY!Its not that I dont believe in you..And you can laugh about this at me for all I care..Its because damn it I care about you la...can tease me all abt it i dun care..BUT..all these doesnt mean that I am going to throw you aside to save me from thinking too much..I am going to stick through thick and thin with you AND DOnt forget you are not alone..you still gt two A BUMS+all the EG members..But I wont be totally one sided and biaous..oh..I hereby swear(no swearing in eg rm!) that I will not leave addy alone to suffer no matter what..(but not to the extend of spoiling you hor hahas)

Enough of all these..

P.S you better dont get heart attack or faint when I return the favour..its gonna be quite soon...hehehe