Found an interesting analysis of my horoscope...well...that explains all the conflicts about me huh?It sounds emo..but i dont emo that much la..when I am really happy can sense de..

似乎很多人都认为，水瓶座是很花心的。也有的星相解释，水瓶座不懂得什么是爱。
事实上真的如此么？

几乎每个水瓶座的心底都有着一段刻骨铭心人间记忆，一个永远无法忘记的背影。
那也许只是极其短暂的两情相悦，只是一种单恋，或只是一种只存在于虚幻空间。
一切看起来是那么平静，那么和谐。
没有惊天动地，没有海誓山盟，没有花前月下，没有浪漫，没有誓言，没有温度。水瓶座的理智和冷漠，注定了任何感情永无燃点。

水瓶座不容易喜欢上一个人。有人说水瓶座对伴侣的要求太高，其实并非这样，水瓶座注重的是感觉。只是那么轻描淡写的一眼，那个人已经吸引了水瓶的所有注意力，从此目光便无法转移。
用一秒钟爱上一个人，然后再付出一生去忘记，水瓶座就是这样的试验品。
但几乎所有的水瓶都会否认在自己的身上发生一见钟情，因为一向自视清高，承认爱上一个人这钟事似乎是在侮辱自己的智商。
更多的时候是因为，连自己都没发现已经爱上。水瓶座很多时候对于感情反应非常迟钝，迟钝到每次都是最后的知情者。有时容易出现弄不清自己的感觉，不清楚自己想做什么，觉得迷惘。
在对方没有非常明确地表示感情时会退怯，觉得爱情是两厢情愿，不想勉强对方。
显得很被动，忽冷忽热，犹豫不决，极其矛盾。在没有完全确定前，决不轻易付出感情，因为怕失去。也许是缺乏安全感，也许是对自己的保护，也可以算作是一种自私。
一般水瓶座的好朋友都是经过很长世间的考察的，不仅仅是几年，而是十几年。一旦被水瓶座当作好朋友的，会赴汤蹈火掏心掏肺。

在公车上，街边，商场，水瓶老是认错人。在茫茫人海中，始终在寻找一个熟悉的身影，直到产生幻觉。
这一刻，水瓶座突然很想痛哭流涕，因为突然发现自己几近疯狂的爱上一个人，失去了理智，失去了自我。这种突如其来的感觉，很恐惧，很无助。
水瓶座不喜欢这种感觉，因为不知该如何面对。要让水瓶座主动去追逐，是件异常困难的事，在水瓶座的世界里无法承受拒绝，就是这么脆弱，无论表面上看来是多么的坚强。

水瓶座在人前总是一幅无忧无虑没心没肝的样子，不想别人看见自己的悲伤，那样会有不安全的感觉，总是在无人的地方暗自落泪。

算了，还是放在心里吧。既不用尴尬的表白然后遭到拒绝，又不会相爱容易相处难的惨烈分手。这样很好，没人看出来，不至于太没面子。可以继续貌似潇洒。

但是，不同了。尽管水瓶座装着多么不在乎，看都不看一眼。可是对方说的每句话都从耳朵进去，没见出来。对方提的任何过分的要求，水瓶座统统照单全收精心尽力，决对不会有半个不字。完全成为一个爱情的奴隶，脸上还装酷无表情，整个死要面子活受罪。

这种情况下，如果对方使点阴谋诡计，刻意疏远避而不见或是视而不见，电话不接或是哼哈敷衍等等，水瓶会给整疯了，开始会想是什么自己地方做错了，说错话了，然后拉下面子主动讨好试探。不用多，碰壁两次，水瓶座就会有自知之明了，不会再去想是为什么会这样，也不想知道了。心里会想，原来是对方讨厌自己，不想见到自己。明白之后，就是绝对的安静了。

这还没完，过了一段日子。对方如果突然又改变态度，水瓶座竟然能既往不咎问也不问，殷勤依旧，完全没有尊严可谈。只要能和对方开心的在一起，过去不重要，未来也不重要，面子不重要，金钱不重要，时间不重要，自己也不重要。

天平失衡，感情重重的压在心底，自己却飘在了半空。太在乎对方，迷失了自我，幸福也变得虚无。
自己都不爱，谁还会珍惜。

水瓶座一旦付出，便是彻底，不可收回。
感情投入的越多越是伤的重。
最擅长的是难为自己。不想对方难过，只好让自己难过。总是认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，把自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。不知道，受伤的其实是自己，只是不知道如何表现出来。 (damn true)

爱，这个字对水瓶座来说，太沉重珍贵了，无法用语言诠释。一旦说出口，犹如远古的文物，被发掘出土暴露于空气中，变得面目全非，失去本来的价值。
所以，不轻易说。

只需一次，水瓶座便把一生的精力耗尽，只因执著，便落得伤痕累累。那段感情如强酸腐蚀着那颗麻木的心，穿了一个洞，再也无法弥补。时间是世界上最有力的矬子，把空洞的毛边渐渐抚平，不再搁人。每当寒风吹过，犹闻隐约凄凉的萧萧声，似挽歌。

只需一次，水瓶座便不再幻想，于是狠狠将自己摔碎，拒绝熔化拼凑。因为怕熔了记忆，怕熔了那个远远的背影，怕熔了自己千年的期盼。

之后，水瓶座依然谈笑风生，依然开朗豁达，继续着一段接一段的新感情，重复着一切，因为无法承受寂寞。

人们都说水瓶花心，见一个爱一个，水瓶座会哈哈一笑，说“哪有？冤啊！”。其实心里在滴着血，脸上却得笑的灿烂，安慰自己“我是谁啊！哪会那么弱呢！”

有人说水瓶座太冷酷太自私，自以为了不起。可是谁又了解，水瓶座的心，容量很小，只能有一个，且不具修改性。除了那个人，其他所有自动归为一种程序。

因为无法虚伪，所以甜言蜜语都吝啬给予。因为天真，所以至死之前仍在等待。因为没有勇气，所以眼睁睁放手真爱无能为力。 (*nods nods nods)

当看到一个瓶子在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，请千万不要被迷惑，水瓶总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与悲伤。其实并不像看到的那么快乐，同样的，也不像看到的那么悲伤。只是悲伤时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当水瓶快乐时，悲伤又不肯轻易放过。 (a bit wrong for me eh...)

只有真正懂得水瓶座的人，才能看见眼底那一缕似有似无的哀伤，才能明白是什么让水瓶如此的义无反顾，是什么让水瓶变得如此忽冷忽热捉摸不定，才能体会水瓶的坚强只是竭力掩饰的脆弱。

星相上说，水瓶座往往不被所爱的人珍惜。我想，是为什么呢？也许答案就在心中，只是水瓶座的本性不愿承认而已。

水瓶座除了需要一个深爱自己包容一切的人以外，还需要一个心理医生。

这就是水瓶座可笑却笑不出的悲哀。

some parts not exactly true..but mostly *nods nods nods

New discovery!

TODAY...........

DMR HAS DISCOVERED AN AMAZING FACT...

THE JP LIBRARY HAS A FOURTH FLOOR!!!!!!!

WOW!WOW!Isnt it amazing?!!!I DIdnt know at all...until today wow...wow..

Thanks addy for showing me the place..*hugs =x I think it will one of my secret loitering spots from now onwards..

What makes us singaporean..NEMATION?!I dunno la...gd place to practise my art...and closer to my dream career..thats all i guess..oh ya

因为有你，所以这个梦境不会消失，我也不会消失。

Stress

Okay...when i finally found motivation in studying..the things i missed all jus piled up on me..While I try desperately to catch up..Things go horriblely especially these days..

Today was totally a horrible start...the day before I lost a packet of money.Then got my allowance of $100..and jus stuff it somewhere..imagine my horror when the next morning i woke up to find it missing...(because I dont remember where i stuff it).ONE MONTH'S ALLOWANCE!!!Then the day before I left my GC in the EG room..so I went back to find it during break time..I was already in a foul and irritable and low mood(which cant be seen from the outside) Then imagine how scared and shocked I was when I saw that the tables are empty and my GC was nowhere to be seen..I tried the drawers and everything..but to no avail..$145!!!and with my allowance of $100 and a packet of money to repay back..

For that moment..life sucks!!

I was really going crazy and angry.1st with my stupidity these days..my uselessness and carelessness..I really hated myself for that moment..and duh I was damn depressed or best defined as emo (great it was raining too) So i went back to the concourse and told my classmates that i lost my dear GC and was holding back the urge to cry..I wont cry in front of people that easily unless its extreme and when I actually mention it..when I do I mean it..but unless the person is very close to me I wont show my soft side at all..At that time I jus wanted to let my emotions out and maybe feel better..and damn the break was ending..if I could I will jus take husky one side..hide in some ulu corner and jus release it all..the more I cope it in the worse it gets..I feel damn lost like the song IN THE END...

I think Addy did went to find me..but I was accompanying a girl to the toliet so missed him I guess..sigh..that didnt make me feel better I think (its not your fault in case)..I called him to hear that the 2nd floor EG rm is unlocked..zzZZ so I went to lock the room (Who unlocked it?!I am absolutely sure I locked it) and was walking aimlessly back to get my bag and to my next lesson..wow..I was so emo i was like looking outside the window at the staircase and was thinking if only I can walk through the rain(somehow that always make me feel better and rather comforting)

Quite dumb to say this but I really needed a hug...or just hug my teddy bear

But now well I am back recovered cus I found the money during chinese open book test and the money was in the book -.- and my GC was in the drawer hidden by papers..so ya -.- made me emo for no reason at all..dots...dang it but at least they turned up!!And thanks to the ones who kept my GC into the drawer (even if it was like hidden)..thanks to CHinese lolx and thanks to everyone who tried to cheer me up..at least tried was better than nothing hahas XD

Add'y bdae

Phew!!FINALLY took a long long rest!!And back to update..Yesterday was Addy's bdae!And what an eventful day!

His present...(no pics sad to say cus I dont have a camera..)

THAT!!It seems like an art project..with the planning and all started 2 weeks before..boxes boxes..layers layers..but I am glad despite my horrible minute budget I DID IT!!(THANKS DING AND JR FOR HELPING!!)To think that I had nightmares about boxes..not completing the present etc 1 night before the actual day..ouch I hardly gt much slp I guess =x its like working till 1230 covered with me covered in acrylic paint and hoping to get slp..then woke up at 7am to continue -.- But well I feel happy that I completed it(even though the cranes were like not enough)

The day...(JR JR JR U ROCK!!he paid for almost everything!okok..addy paid for the movie tickets too)

1st we went jp for crystal jade...den we go je for pool..den harbourfront for movie (shaolin girl)..that movie...I AM SPEECHLESS...I dont know what to say..arh!!..before going to watch the movie..we went secret recipies(food again?!) gt tricked by the automatic taps in the toliets -.-...newton to get ding's umd back..and jp shushi's restuarant for dinner(FOOD...)The small details?I am jus lazy to type haha!

End of the day..

Well Addy sent me home and I had this plan in case my present screwed up.Because usually when he send me home he will stop at the lift,so i was thinking of telling him i gt another present for him..and make him close his eyes then..ya kiss him on the cheek =x and i go home.BUT!I forget to bring one of the present in the box and husky..so he will have to go up to get it...and I was going oh no...how arh?So while approaching the lift area i was like pls pls pls let the lift not be there yet or else I have to change the whole thing...and ya phew!!!thank god u didnt let me down THIS time..BUT(again) addy u arh!!Close eyes not equal to turn around -.-....zzzZZ but it worked out i guess...with me being damn pai seh la...arh!!!*blush blush blush...

Hope you enjoyed your birthday!And you deserve it!Because if you were not born...how would I even meet you in the first place?Hahas..and its okay with the whole day being lame la...if u are not lame u are not addy!Thats all?SPecial thanks to everyone who helped one way or another.Happy birthday Addy!!

P.S And the favour!I am not being despo or anything but hahas its only fair!! =x *kidding..anything is welcomed on my birthday apart from things that sting..But save some effort on our studies!!!None of us should be retained!!

Ideologies

Thanks to Someone and his talk on life,dreams and happiness.......I think i might as well throw the whole chunk here since I didnt speak and all...

Why do I exist?

A very very interesting question and I can only say....To LEARN,To LOVE and to LIVE...Live life to the fullest..love like you never love before...and learn to en the wonders of living...

What is happiness?

It is when you learn to appreciate youself and others and the world for the every little thing you do and others do...as what our dearest ms look said in sec 3 we feel good to do good!!I feel happy when I am with my friends,when I saved that snail in the middle of the road today..when with addy(lolx!!oopx)..when I succeeded in doing the tough things(DJMAX stalker!!!)..and when I am being me.

What are friends?

No matter whether you are a passerby friend or long term friend,to me,their existance affects you life in one way or another.Regardless of people like sandra...i guess if without you..there wont be the me I am today..so appreciate them and let them be in you heart...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S Anyway,I admit i was damn scare and lost when I heard those words...Ya true I was containing my tears...I thought oh great the curse is back again..Do I have to lost my heart again?Do I have to rebuild the walls around me with another layer?Do I have to suffer the lost in trust again?But..I am glad I stayed waiting for the answer..not because I am stubborn..because I believed you..and still do and...thanks because I know that my efforts are not wasted.=)I will work harder to ensure that you will be happy!!From now onwards,your happiness is mine...

Addy

Ok I am a bit on high and crazy mode >.< so here goes crap

I like Addy so much so that I want to/did...

Write his name non-stop and still feel tat its not enough
Yell from the grandstand that I LOVE ADDY!
Tell him its okay to be mushy..well its sweet sia
Pounce on him like a puppy and go woof (*wags tail)
Plays "accidentaily in love" and dances with the mop (mop the floor 3 times)
Hugs husky and stares at it and hug it again
Tell him that you are the best! repeatedly

etc etc....

Because my ideas are mostly extreme...random and...too crazy...So I keep them inside..my mind is jus too simple?I dont know..and I dont care if anyone who visits this blog thinks I am mad...and overly mushy..I am happy!!

Oh ya..And when you held my hand its like...全世界只对你有感觉！that song la...ya..BUT.JR ARH!!!YOU ARHH!!IMBAL LIGHTBULB! LOLX update nxt time cus I gtg soon la

P.s to my frens and all...Dont worry I will not neglect you because I am not a 重色轻友 person =)

ME

Okay.ME and wings

I think too much on the fantasy world and believed in almost everything possible.It all started from cardcaptor sakura that I realised that wings are beautiful things and it would be so nice to actually experience the feeling of flying.And,being talently inclined in art(crap) the shapes and looks of wings attracted me.With the increasing fantansy shows and books that I read, I start to indulge in another world to escape from the harsh reality.A world where I am Ruby and bestowed name starwings.And I was the princess of the world Elementica where an evil force has taken over the kingdom with its army of Nothings.Well its a refuge i had and I spent nights imagining the adventures I go through to collect the time stones.The special thing about it is that I can travel from time to time and world to world enjoying all kinds of things I really desired.It was until I meet sandra koh huien that I
realised I wanted a companion,not just a mere friend,more of someone to love and trust.This is when Dan Moonrain appeared.notice that its still me.(the intials)He start appearing as prince and caretaker in my life.To comfort myself even though its from me.Self pity?nah..I admit its a selfish way to escape totally from reality.Then I start to love sleep time as I always spent the time thinking of adventures.Now,even though i no longer spend nights thinking of it(cus i was too tired and fell asleep straight),I still contain the belief that I am rubystarwings,the princess that needs to grow up and fight for her kingdom.Well..the
kingdom has yet to be saved but I learnt a lot.AND dont worry,the princess I think of is not spoilt.Instead I got into all sorts of ulu troubles but of course I start thinking of weapons and stuff.But its kinda biaous cus in the end I am still all powerful muahahaha!!But I guess reality is better for me now..

Me and dreams+sleep

I LOVE sleep!!No matter whether u are emoing or not,its the best thing on earth!!Last time,when I was kinda being alone and anti-socialing and being trapped in between my mother and father arguing..I used to think that sleep is like dying but u will jus wake up.I used to think that it will be so wonderful if I can fall asleep and never wake up to this crazy,unfair and cruel world.Now I jus fall flat and sleep and heck cus I am just damn tired.ANyway about dreams.I had some ulu and funny dreams such as dinosaurs invading Singapore and crushing buildings and me getting nearly closed to being eaten.When I was small I hate these dreams of hiding away from them and all(always in the toliet).BUT one day,when I had that sort of dino dream again and that there was a BIG T-rex invading Jurong Point.I was running away into the toliet as usual on the escalator and nearly got eaten when i jus had this thought of I DONT WANT TO go through this sort of nightmares again!!I DO NOT want TO BE EATEN!Then I just force myself to wake up,forcing my eyelids open and all...And I did it!!And so I learnt that I can drag myself from nightmares.And when I get even more older(sounds like a million years eh?) I learnt another thing I can do in dreams-make it to what I want.Well its like in some ulu dream of my normal day and waking up jus to realise that I am late for PSLE and that I was going oh no how? in my dreams.Then I decided to try and flyjump and wow?I
really did..its like gravity is gone and I can fly very far when I jump..I learnt the skill of taking control of my dreams.

OkOK enough..back to MATHS!!Btw..sorry if i cant go out all the time with u..but I hope it doesnt hurt u too much >.<

lol

Okay..I think its about time I update I guess.And sorry to disappoint you people, I guess if this is a pure for fun blog theres no point in calling it a blog huh?Oh ya and I will try..TRY to make this as personal(maybe not to shoot at people?thats for my diary hahas) as possible.

Phew..These days I have been damn busy with the Dearest new eg room.We cleaned it(I SPAMED the jiff and have to mop it like 3 times.The floor was so slippery that u can do moon walk without looking fake),carry things to it(I SOLOED THE BLACK TABLE!!), and create total destruction downstairs at the old room.Tell the truth, I dont really like the new room.(ESPECIALLY the gates.Makes me feel trapped) Theres just the lack of freedom in it and I am those kind of person who likes to have freedom and breathing time once in a while.Of course, even if we have the key to it...we cant open the gates of doom or whatever i feel like calling it.Its so unfair!!BUT..I have been going to school almost everyday(thank god I live so nearby) and returning quite late that I kinda feel guilty.I should spend more time with my family.(Even though I still contain a certain dislike to my dad whenever he screams at my mum for no reason)
Sadly, that is the sad life of the beholder of the holy and ever powerful key of EG room!!

Busy..busy..BUSY!!

Studies to catch up..STILL HAVEN DONE MY CHINESE COMPO..(WHY DIDNT I EXEMPT FROM IT!!) Really need to manage everything well I guess.Tell the truth, if it was me 1 month before or something like that,I would just throw everything aside with the mindset that I am going to be so screwed and the pathetic lack of motivation in life.Well, its just so weird that I lost so much strength since sec 3-4 crappy incidents.CCA busy (Mr Yuen and Darren stop smsing me!!I going NUTS!).From the bottom of my heart,I do NOT want to be president cus I think others should be given a chance and appreciate how its like to be devoted to something.

Despite all this stress...

I am glad.Because I got EG..I got Addy(LOL?!!I sound disgusting?heck la!)..I really want thank him for liking me..Because since dont know from when, I lost a lot of confidence about myself.Especially with Lihe around I guess, shes the one being hyper..confident..and even considered chioer (keith and his crazy long hair ideology)that is not of importance to me but its unfair that so many ppl go for looks not the heart.Actually I am confused by myself, I never experience the feeling of such happiness.I suffered through so much and was treated so unfair in my life.(my half broken family, my declining results, my messed up love life a.k.a sec 3-4) And all of a sudden, the life/god that I thought to abandon me..gave me so much all of a sudden,happiness and acceptance etc etc.Its jus so unexpected and makes me wonder whether it is just a sweet dream, just a mirage, just something before a storm starts again and takes everything away from me.I am afraid to lose everything.The deeper it gets the more hurtful it will be when you lose it.Okay maybe its dumb to worry and all but I think all the emotional scars that I thought to have disappeared is still in exsistence.I guess I must be positive and work hard!Fight to defend my happiness and ya finally I found motivation in life! XD Thanks to everyone and you lolx

P.S Still planning your present hahas *evil look.Hope u will really like it

Okok enough crapping and I am in the EG room -.- update whenever i like bb!!