Ever since he told me that..

I feel like my world collapsed..

Now..I am having mixed feelings..

Confusion

Worry

Fear

Disappointment

Sorrow

Today I saw him..its like suddenly we are distanced from each other..

he is like a little boy that did something wrong..

and I just dont know how to face him..

Because I feel awful..and with all the feelings above in me..

And try having pms on top of that..

Horrible..

Its so difficult to use my head instead of my heart..

its..just plain tough..

I dont want to make him feel worse than he already is..especially when he told me the truth..

But my heart hurts..so much..even now..it still hurts..

Suddenly even betrayal isnt as bad as this..

I wan to be close to him but I feel like facing a stranger instead..

its like I dont know this person in front of me..

Or more of i wish i dont know this person in front of me..

Yet love stops me from running away..but my heart hurts..

I wan to act like nothing has changed..

but its impossible..

Confusion

How did this happen? Of all ways to destress and all..why this? This thing that left a huge scar on my heart since I was young.. And why didnt he think of me...of the consequences..

Worry

What if he do this again? What if he never quit? How am I going to face him? Will this affect our relationship negatively?

I dunno..and dont wish to know the answers especially if its negative...

Fear

I am scared...of him..yes..fear.. because of the emotional scars left on me..Just now when he put

down his call (saying that he missed me).. I was still scared.. that its so close to me.. that it is with the person I love so much.. I wan to run away..but I cant..

Disappointment

Why didnt he tell me earlier? Maybe if I wasnt having period I wont take it so badly.. and the fact that he already went through 2 boxes makes me so upset.. Why?

Sorrow

The deepest and strongest feeling of all.. I just feel sad.. Sad that this is happening to me..Sad that I am so useless and hapless.. Sad that its not over yet..

Love and Hate..

I love him but I hate what he is doing..

Its a horrible feeling..

Idiot..you already have a weak stomach..now you want to ruin your lungs is it?

You want to leave the world earlier and leave me by myself right?

And who gives a damn about yan ting.. am I not your gf? Do you even want me at all?

I am so willing to pay him the price of it and take it and throw it right away..

Cus something tells me that by the time he finishes it I may just go crazy with all these feelings in me...

I will really go crazy..

I just need a hug..and a kiss (a fresh one) when it is finally over.. to make me feel safe and secure again..

3rd day of tears..