dead

I....am feeling very confused..very lost..

These days without addy I have been trying my best to live happily for addy's sake
But deep down I really really miss him a lot a lot a lot...
I actually sms his hp(because it does not have auto roam and he wont spend $$ on overseas sms)
Treating it like my diary because it makes me feels a lot better =)

The 1st day of the chalet..

Then when I heard that he was horribly sick..I was damn worried..
And..
I hated myself.
Because I do not want to pick up lihe's calls cus she pissed me off by smth
So I did not charge my hp to the full..And did not bring the charger to the eg chalet either..
I was the one who caused my own downfall..
Oh ya and I stupidly forget to top up my handphone..

I really hate myself for being so selfish and self centered
And ya I got what I deserve
I am sorry addy for causing u so much trouble..
And addy's mum..I am really sorry..(because when I called you hoping jus to know ur situation..and to hear ur existance, I heard ur mum...and her words really really hurts me abt u shldnt calling me)
for causing so much worry to u and in a way maybe I annoy u?
And also sorry for me falling in love with addy and the other way round..

Maybe I should not be so pessmistic or sounding emo..
But I am really worried about you..
Maybe when you recover..
Then I go find you ba..
I do not want to upset ur mum T.T
Or make your illness worse..

But after that I dont care..
I want compensation!!
I want A GREAT BIG hug..
To remove my emoness..
Husky too small to hug me..T.T