You know how it means to have mixed feelings?
How to have conflicting thoughts in your mind?
And maybe even having conflicting personalities sometimes..
Sigh..My Dad kicked up a big fuss about nothing again..more like spoiling my bro..
now he is just like a spoilt brat..
Its not like me and my mum dont love him..(my bro)
Its just that we really dun have the energy and time for him..
maybe more of my mum than me..
I feel that maybe I am spoilt and selfish too..Spending so much time on games and slacking..and not spending time to help my bro..
But..he is not helping himself either..yeah I know kids tend to be hyper and such..but he just have an attitude..
And I really dunno how to help him..He only listens properly when someone hits him..but violence is not the way to go..it will bring scars to the heart..But..I really really dunno how to help..and part of me just cant be bothered about it with this evil thought that he is not entirely my responsibility..but thats just plain selfish..
My dad being an asshole and running away from the responsibilities from being a father..and worse spoiling him..
It hurts to see my mum suffer so much..it really hurts..I wan to help but part of me tries to escape reality..and also live my 'own' life..
Now that I think about it..maybe my bro is kinda like Addy..maybe one day my bro will hate me just like how addy hates his big bro.. Maybe Darren has his point of we being stuck in this comfort zone..and I should break out of it..Relaxing is one thing, but slacking is a total different thing..
But I am so tempted to the days where I dun have to care about anything and just play away..
Maybe that can wait..or that SHOULD wait.
One day I want to have enough money to support my family and me without working and then, I will relax..until then, maybe its really time to break from my comfort zone..
Oh and hopefully by then, I will not have to bear sorrow in my heart any longer...
